Including single people at Christmas
Christmas can be a particularly difficult time for single people. In our 2022 survey, 70% of single people said they found at least some aspects of Christmas hard. 43% said the week between Christmas and New Year is a lonely time.
There are lots of things that churches and individuals can do to make the festive season joyful for everyone in your community. All our ideas come from single Christians themselves…
1. Watch our Christmas webinar
Our Christmas webinar is the best place to start for understanding why Christmas can be a difficult time. It’s based on our 2022 survey and includes lots of practical tips for churches.
If you are single yourself, there are also ideas on how you can be part of the solution and help to welcome others too.
2. Find out who will be on their own
Find out who in your church will be alone over Christmas and ask them what they need. Some people may feel awkward to share they have no one to spend Christmas with, and few would feel comfortable inviting themselves to someone else’s gathering. Not all single people want an invitation - some will have plans already or will prefer to have a quiet Christmas at home - but it’s good to reach out and ask.
Don’t forget younger single people, the widowed, single parents whose children may spend Christmas with their other parent, as well as married people whose spouse isn't at home.
“My experience is there is support for older single people, but young single people fly under the radar and it is assumed that I have family/friends plans and no needs”
2022 Christmas survey
3. Welcome others in
Could you invite someone to join you for the day, or for Christmas dinner? Could you encourage others to do the same? This can be explicitly suggested from the pulpit, or discreetly mentioned to families who may be in a position to offer hospitality. Be mindful of the language you use for this.
Singles tell us that invitations at Christmas makes a huge difference to their sense of being noticed, cared for and valued. And their presence can bring fresh energy and an extra feeling of celebration to your gathering too.
You could also connect a group of people who will be on their own to spend the day together.
"One year I was upset to find myself facing Christmas on my own, but I didn’t want to invite myself to anyone's family celebration. However, when a friend told people at church that I was going to be alone, I got several invitations. I had a lovely day with a family from church.’
4. Be mindful when planning services
Christmas can a painful time for many single people because of the focus on families and children. It can emphasise their lack of a partner or family and make them feel more alone. This can also be true for couples who don’t have the children they long for; those who’ve lost loved ones; people who’ve experienced a family break-down; full-time carers and many more.
Be mindful of this when planning services and talks. Acknowledge those who are on their own in the prayers, include everyone in the service, and perhaps offer an opportunity to light a candle for someone they’ve lost. Try and avoid an over-emphasis on children’s presents on Christmas morning - this can be difficult for many reasons.
“All the family and kid-oriented activities [are] a constant reminder of what I don’t have.”
- 2024 Instagram survey
A note about carol services
Nearly 80% of single people in our survey said they enjoy attending carol services at Christmastime. These services are also among the most attended by non-church goers. It’s important to ensure your carol services are single friendly, and give an extra warm welcome to those coming alone.
A note about welcome
Many single people in our survey felt that church family doesn’t apply to Christmas - it’s a time for “real” family, and those without or away from their relatives can feel extremely isolated. Look out for those attending Christmas services alone, warmly welcome and include them. If you share the Peace in your services, encourage people to turn to someone outside of their own family first before greeting those they came with.
5. Focus on the true meaning of Christmas in services
Secular Christmas celebrations often focus on families – but that shouldn’t be what churches do. Jesus was born for everyone - the stranger, the lonely, the hurting. A simple focus in your Christmas services on the good news of what Christmas actually means can have a profound impact for everyone. You could focus your talk on characters outside of the Holy family - the shepherds, the wise men traveling from afar, or on Anna and Simeon who encountered Christ profoundly in the temple.
“The focus on children and the gift of a baby can be a real challenge if you are childless not through choice. I would love more sermons to focus on Simeon and Anna; figures whose service and sense of completion comes from waiting on and witnessing Christ.”
6. Hold a simple service over the holidays
While many are glad of a break from church after Christmas morning, this isn't the case for everyone. The sudden stopping of services can leave a gap and take away an important point of connection for single people.
Consider doing something short and low-effort such as morning prayer in church or on Zoom during the 5 days when people will be with their families, so that those on their own have a chance to connect.
7. Encourage socialising over the Christmas holidays
Although people may have arrangements for Christmas Day itself, the rest of the festive period can be a quiet and potentially isolating time for those on their own. 43% of single Christians in our survey confirmed they feel lonely between Christmas and New Year.
“I have a small nuclear family that I spend Christmas with but its the “betwixtmas” that’s the loneliest!”
Have a post-Christmas meet up
Have a low key social opportunity between Christmas and New Year e.g. Boxing Day walk, games night, coffee morning with Christmas cake. Appoint others to take ownership of this - it doesn’t need to be organised by church leadership, who usually need a break after Christmas services. Instead, empower those who want a social activity to organise it with the support of the church. Avoid using language like “we know everyone is busy” - not everyone is!
Keep in contact with others
Encourage church members to keep in contact and consider those who may be on their own. Many would welcome an invitation for a walk, film night, board games afternoon or other festive activities you have planned. Those who are housebound or unwell may particularly appreciate a phone call. If you’re going to a service, consider offering a lift to those who doesn’t have a car, as public transport often shuts down.
“I’m lucky that I have family who include me on Christmas Day, but I often find church and life quite lonely around the festive period. As someone who doesn’t have a car, I’m most blessed when people offer me a lift to services. I also appreciate being invited round for a meal or drink in the run up to Christmas.”
8. Pray for single Christians
We’ve compiled some prayer points for churches on how to pray for single people this Christmas.