When are churches good places for single Christians?
In our 2012 survey ‘Singleness in the UK church’, we asked single Christians about what attributes make a church Single Friendly. Respondents said that churches are good places to be when they do not differentiate between people based on their marital status, and where single people are encouraged to play a full and active part.
Marital status is not an issue
According to 18% of respondents who made positive comments, the church is a good place when it doesn't differentiate in any way between people based on their marital status, whether 'single never married', married, divorced or widowed.
Single adult Christians are, by and large, not asking for specific ministries, special talks and courses, or groups just for them. They want to be included fully and equally into every aspect and ministry of the church's life, in the same way as for married couples and families. However, some liked the possibility of joining in with social activities specific for single people.
Examples of Single Friendly characteristics mentioned by respondents include:
individual gifts were recognised and able to be used
roles and ministries were open to anyone, irrespective of marital status
single people’s skills and talents were acknowledged and employed.
'At my church, singles are generally valued for what they can contribute to the life of the church. Single people have preached, run the Alpha course, run mid-week groups and helped with the church administration and website, because they are gifted, talented or skilled in these areas. The senior pastor, a married man, tries to encourage everyone in the church without regard to social status, marital status, ethnic identity or gender to contribute in whatever way they can that will benefit the whole church.'
Aspects of church life appreciated by single Christians
The number one aspect of church life most appreciated by single Christians is other single people in church. This made them feel less 'an oddity'.
Other important aspects mentioned in the research include (in order of frequency):
Social events and activities
Single leaders as role models
Groups to join
Talks and preaching that take account of singleness
Offers of hospitality
Friends in the church
Activities
Outreach activities
Prayers for single people
'Other single people who know what you are going through but also provide a natural social group where you don't need 'another half'.' (29)
We have a LOT of socials relevant to different age groups. We always have after parties, we always hang out after the service, we have evenings such as ''come dine with me'', where we go to a random person's house and enjoy food with other guests we've never met before!'
'On the leadership team there is a good mix of all ages, stages and singles/marrieds. Some of the strongest, most full-on Christians in our church are singles who are comfortable in their own skin, accepted, secure and are generally brilliant role models.'
'Projects are more focused on outreach to the wider community, which everyone will have the opportunity to feel they can contribute towards – especially people who are single and may have more time to get involved.'
Churches are experienced as being…
What did single Christians identify as the positive attributes that make church a good place to be?
They said: accepting, welcoming, involving, supporting, inclusive, loving, acting as family, and friendly.
'I have been made to feel welcome. I have found people will come up to me to say hello because they can see I am on my own.'
'I am divorced but don't feel judged for it. I feel my children are cared about and supported by the other members.'
'We strive to be an accepting community, taking people as we find them and being inclusive. I feel part of a family more than I have anywhere else. Each person is valued for who they are and given time and space to use their gifts and talents. That is how church should be.'
'Our pastor has a heart for singles and will encourage us in leadership roles and to get involved. He has been researching how to help single people in the church.'
There were many BUTs added. Single people said just because a church may be ‘accepting’ or ‘welcoming’, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they feel fully included in the life of the church.
'I am accepted as an individual, just not specifically catered for.'
'Our church is warm, loving, friendly and accepting of all people regardless of age, race or singleness or not. However, I do feel as a single 40+ divorced woman that there are less ministry opportunities open to me.’
More from the research
The 2012 Research - what do single Christians think about church?