Thriving as a single Christian
Single Christians can have happy, fulfilled and flourishing lives. Being on your own means being independent, having more freedom to make your own choices and increased spiritual growth.
This was one of the findings in our 2012 research, when we asked respondents What do single Christians enjoy about being single. Even people who would prefer to be in a relationship would often be positive about life as a single person.
Although there were some trends in people’s experiences, it is clear that being single is also a very personal journey, and that people have very different perceptions and experiences. But overall, many people do enjoy their single status, or at least enjoy aspects of it.
Singleness can bring freedom
'I love being able to just up and go and do whatever I want without having to co-ordinate other peoples diaries and preferences. I have always been in relationships and this is really new to me and very exciting!'
'I like not having to check with someone else if they like something for the house, but I would also like it more if I had someone to talk through the decision with... [there are] always two sides to the coin. I think singleness is just one aspect of being and whether it is a dominant factor in your happiness waxes and wanes with many other factors.'
Singleness can bring spiritual growth
Some respondents felt a strong sense of God’s purpose in their singleness, and said that their single status has helped them to heal emotionally. Others saw singleness as positive for the church overall, and even necessary for its growth.
‘God has taught me to really enjoy and embrace my singleness… and to try and seek my affirmation from Him because, regardless of other people’s perceptions, I am a whole and complete woman WITHOUT a husband. Even though I feel ignored or undervalued at church, God values me very much.'
'I don't just see my life in terms of freedom to make my choices, but how I respond to God's call, and also remembering all that He has done for me, and seeing why He has kept me single (to take me through inner healing and protect me from darkness and self-destruction). This was echoed in a number of other people who described having been in unhappy or abusive relationships in the past.'
'I feel that the churches need to recognise that some of us are single for very serious spiritual reasons, that our self-sacrifice in this area is for spiritual reasons, and that when you look at the history of Christianity, the faith has often been spread by single, celibate people. When the churches have not respected singleness and celibacy, Christianity has not grown or thrived. Hardly any contemporary talk of single people in the British churches discusses this.'
Many enjoy single life while still wanting a partner
'I love life and the time I have being single. And God does fill and satisfy that time, however there comes a point when you want to share your life with someone and have a physical relationship.'
'I often think of both sides: being single has its advantages like independence, freedom, pursuing a ministry and use the time as you like; however, I am a very caring person and caring for someone else I love would make me happier, although I tend to consider the downside of marriage too, [such as] arguing, decision making and different opinions, etc. Prayer and time for God should not depend on marriage; if anything, marriage creates more time to spend together and with God.'
3 steps to being content whilst single
Written by Urenna Ebillah
We often hear people say ‘be content with your singleness’ but is it always that easy? After a particular relationship did not work out, it finally dawned on me how much I wanted to get married. I thought I was content with being single but I clearly wasn’t. I realized that if I had a choice, I would always choose marriage over singleness.
But I also realised at that moment that there was more to life than marriage itself. I realised that I wouldn’t always be in control of the circumstances I found myself in when it came to relationships, so I could not afford to make marriage an idol in my life. Disappointments could and would happen but I had a life to live and I needed to get on with it. I realized that if and when I was called heaven-ward I would have to give account. Plus I wanted to have something else to talk about with friends other than the fact that I was still single.
Here are three steps I think would help you on the journey to being content with your singleness…
Admit if you’re struggling. If you do want to be married, be honest with yourself. Admit to yourself that you don’t want to be single. Don’t try to pretend that you don’t care because you might be able to fool others but you can’t fool God. He made you. He created those desires within you and you’re no less holy because you would rather be married than single for the rest of your life. It doesn’t make you less spiritual, it just shows you’re human. So, admit it.
Surrender. Surrender your desires to God. He knows what they are, but He also wants to hear you voice them out to Him. Then, make a constant, even daily choice to trust Him with your singleness. Draw nearer to God. Whenever loneliness hits you hard, give it over to Him. But, choose to trust that He has your best interests at heart. Choose to trust that Someone that gave His own life for you would not withhold marriage from you if that was what was best for you. Choose to trust in God’s love for you, despite yourself and your feelings.
Live. Don’t just exist, going through the motions. Actually live. Enjoy your friendships, family, job and church. Pour yourself into whatever God has called you to do. Find hobbies. Meet people. Step out of your comfort zone. Try something new. Don’t put your life on hold. Ever. Don’t wait to get married to do that special something. Just do it.
If you follow these three steps, sooner or later you’ll find that being single has its own perks too and more importantly, if that special someone does turn up, you’ll have such an interesting life to introduce them to!
Would you say that you were content with being single? What other steps do you think would help someone on the journey to being content?